At The Mercy Of My Emotions
by KiallStyles1D
Summary: Sookie has only been in Fae for a few hours, and yet she realizes that she can't run away from her problems. In actuality she's been gone an entire month. She returns home to a very hurt Viking Vampire that demands answers as well as her company. ;
1. Well, I Certainly Wasn't Expecting That

**A/N: I've been not-so-patiently waiting for True Blood Season 4 (June 26) and I had an urge to write, and Eric/Sookie poured out of me. I don't know where I'm going with it. Suggestions are completely appreciated. I love Eric. I love Sookie with Eric. I know I'm going to LOVE Season 4. I've been reading the books, I'm on Book 9 right now, and I know that I still love Eric. lol**

**Oh...and this story is only possible because of the ridiculously creative minds of Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball. =)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: "Well, I certainly wasn't expecting that."<strong>

I had returned. I didn't know how long it had been, but I was back. Back in Bon Temps, back in the place I literally ran away from. I didn't know how long I was in Fae, but I knew in the back of my mind that I couldn't stay there forever. Even though it was the most beautiful place I'd probably ever see in my lifetime; I just couldn't stay. My grandmother didn't raise me to be a quitter. While I was away I tried hard to deny it; some small part of me wouldn't let me fool myself for long. I was running away, I was quitting, but not anymore. I was back. I was afraid. Most of all, I had no clue what I had waiting for me.

I had been back just a few seconds and I could sense the change in the air. Not just the difference between Fae and Bon Temps, but the difference in Bon Temps since I last left it… however long ago that may have been. I don't know what it was that I was most afraid of. Seeing Bill again after he so securely ripped my heart out of my chest? Seeing all my friends, and so-called friends, and hearing all of their overbearing thoughts? Trying to pretend that my life could one day, maybe, be normal? Or maybe I was afraid of Eric? Not afraid in the sense that I thought he was going to hurt me, I don't think any part of me believed that Eric would ever physically hurt me.

I thought of him more than I expected to while I was away. A part of me knew that it was more than just the blood. It had to be. Eric hurt me so much emotionally, but he only could have done that if he held even a small piece of my heart. If I was completely honest with myself the idea of Eric holding even a microscopic piece of my heart scared the bejesus out of me.

While I knew that the emotional pain that Eric cost me was not intentional, and that he had a pretty damn good reason to do what he did, it was still hard to think of ever trusting him. My relationship with Eric had always been odd, but somewhere deep inside of me I believed that I could trust him. Yet, after our very heated kiss he left me, alone, without answers, only to return to take me as his prisoner. A girl's got to process that kind of thing. Everything was explained, and by his actions he saved us all, but still… I was the one that had to live in his betrayal.

Sitting in that basement I had time to think about how I ended up there. What decisions led me there? As I thought I couldn't blame it all on Eric. Instead, I blamed Bill. He brought me into this Vampire world that I didn't fully understand.

After Eric told me the entire truth about Bill (while he was still covered in the cement that Bill tried to enslave him in) my theory was only confirmed. I could be angry at Eric for keeping things from me, but I understood why he did it. I couldn't hate him for it.

But Bill… he was different. He came to Bon Temps with a plan to seduce me by any means necessary. He let me get brutally beaten so that he could feed me his blood so that I would be attracted to him. Was he so worried that I wouldn't like him on my own? He lied to me every day that we were ever together.

Eric may have kept things from me, but he never truly lied to me. Except for the Nazi Werewolves thing, but I let it slide since he came clean so quickly. He _did_ trick me into drinking his blood, but that was just _Eric_… I should have known better. I don't excuse him from it, but it doesn't compare to what Bill did. Eric deceived me for my own good. Bill lied to me, every day, for his own gain. The difference, though slight to some, was tremendous to me.

My internal debates made the short walk from the cemetery to my house seem exceedingly long. I didn't know what time it was, but I assumed it was in the am. I don't know what I was expecting to find when I returned home, but this certainly wasn't it.

Eric.

Eric was standing outside my house; he blended into the darkness, in his usual dark jeans and black shirt combination. While I was at Fae I saw some of the most beautiful men imaginable. Women could only dream of such men, but to me none stood a candle next to the Viking God that was Eric Northman. I had to stop staring into his eyes. I knew that he couldn't glamour me, but his presence was like a glamour in itself. He was too… _consuming. _

After forcing my eyes to look somewhere else, anywhere else, I took a closer look at my house. It was white. My house had always been white, but I mean it was like new. All of the filth that it acquired during Maryann's visit was gone. I couldn't be sure about the inside, but I had a feeling that it had undergone a similar makeover. Something told me that Eric had something to do with all of it.

Eric and I stared at each other, not moving, not saying anything, for longer than I can remember. I stood there thinking that I would let him speak his peace, and I would really listen to what he had to say. I remembered quickly that this was Eric, and he wouldn't say anything, not until I did. I also wasn't naïve enough to think that I could win a silent treatment contest with a thousand year old Vampire.

"Eric? What are you doing here?" I finally said after our long silent glare showdown.

"Sookie."

Just the way he said it let me in. I felt the pain in the solitary word that was my name. "Where have you been all this time?" I could tell he was fighting to keep control of his voice.

"How long exactly have I been gone?"

"You do not know?" His eyes felt like they pierced my soul with their intensity.

"I know that where I was time worked differently, but I don't know exactly how long it's been here."

"It has been one month since you disappeared. Where have you been? Were you hurt? Tell me." His foot moved to take a step, but then he reconsidered and stayed still.

"Eric, I can't exactly tell you _where_ I've been 'cause I don't quite know. I just know that it was a different world all together; a world for fairies. And no, they didn't hurt me. But I went there hurt. Completely broken from everything I learned about Bill. I just… needed to get away."

"And so you thought that leaving, without a trace, without a word to anyone about where you may be going was a good idea?" His voice was becoming very agitated, and I was not okay with that.

"Listen here Eric Northman you are not in any position to judge any of my decisions. I think you lost the small, and I mean _small_, right you had to that when you chained me up in your basement!" His face showed an expression I wasn't expecting from Eric… shame.

"You know I did that only to save _you_. I was ready to meet the True Death, but I had to make sure you'd be okay after. I couldn't run the chance of Russell ever _touching_ you. Sookie you may not be mine, but I will not allow anyone to harm you." He spoke through his teeth. He was one part angry and one part ashamed of his own feelings.

"Do you exclude yourself? You caused me pain." I felt terrible as soon as the words left my lips. I knew why Eric had done what he did, and I had even forgiven him, but having him in front of me only made me want to tell him everything I thought about while I was away.

"That was not my intention." He didn't look me in the eyes when he spoke.

"That doesn't make it right." An argument for arguments sake, and I knew it.

"I am aware. But you need to know that I would do it again. If it meant that you would be safe. Even if I had met the True Death, I would do it again."

"Why?" It came out as a whisper, but I knew he heard me.

"I do not know. But you are... _important_ to me."

Within a blink he was gone. I couldn't be sure of it, but something told me I would see him again soon. Eric and I weren't done, not by a long-shot.

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><p><strong>AN: What did you think? That's what I wrote when I let my hands type without control. I still don't know where I'm going with it, but I'm sure there will be a shower scene in the near future. ;)**

**The title to this story is taken from something Godric said to Eric (Season 3, Episode 2: "Beautifully Broken"), and this first Chapter is named after what Eric says after finding out what Sookie really is (Season 3, Episode 7: "Hitting The Ground").**


	2. This Is The Beginning

**A/N: So this took longer than I wanted it to, but you have to remember that I'm just writing without a clear plan. I had to go back to Chapter 1 and make sure I was covering more of her emotions without repeating myself…too much. Don't hate me for the cliffhanger-ish type ending. I felt that it was a good place to stop, and I'm already working on Chapter 3. So, keep an eye out for it. I really hope you enjoy. Comment with thoughts and suggestions if you can. =)**

**Love me some Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball for giving me these characters to play with.**

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><p><em>Previously...<em>

_"You know I did that only to save you. I was ready to meet the True Death, but I had to make sure you'd be okay after. I couldn't run the chance of Russell ever even touching you. Sookie you may not be mine, but I will not allow anyone to hurt you." He was speaking through his teeth. He was one part angry and one part ashamed of his own feelings._

_"Do you exclude yourself? You caused me pain." I felt terrible as soon as the words left my lips. I knew why Eric had done what he did, and I had even forgiven him, but having him in front of me only made me want to tell him everything I thought about while I was away._

_"That was not my intention."_

_"That doesn't make it right." An argument for arguments sake, and I knew it._

_"I am aware. But you need to know that I would do it again. If it meant that you would be safe. Even if I had met the True Death, I would do it again."_

_"Why?" It came out as a whisper, but I knew he heard me._

_"I don't know. But you are... important to me."_

_Within a blink he was gone. I couldn't be sure of it, but something told me I would see him again soon. Eric and I weren't done, not by a long-shot._

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: "This is the beginning."<strong>

I tossed and turned all night. My brain felt like it would pound straight out of my head; something no Tylenol could fix, but Eric just continued to be at the forefront of my mind. And the thoughts about _why_ I could possibly be thinking of Eric only caused my head to pound even more. I wished my Tinkerbell powers could make me understand what was happening between me and Eric.

Would he really go so far to protect me as to risk the True Death all over again? Why? I'm just… Sookie. He could have any person, or Vampire, he could possibly want to have, and he chooses to spend his time saving me? He could have just given me to Russell and spared himself, but he didn't? Why? Could the Swedish Viking actually have a heart? I'm not sure, but I do know that I _am _grateful to be alive, and I know that I'm only alive because of him.

When I finally stopped thinking about Eric's talent of continuously saving me I started thinking of him as a Vampire. As the kind of Vampire I've understood him to be. Eric seemed to be fair when it came to Vampire politics. I could see how much he cared about Pam; it was actually kind of sweet. His hatred for Bill shows how territorial he can be, but not in a way that scared me off of him. And then there was… Godric.

Seeing him on that roof with Godric I saw a totally different Eric. He was so vulnerable. When I saw his eyes bleed I felt as if my heart was being crushed by the weight of their thousand year old love being lost. I just wanted to help him so badly, and I just couldn't do anything for him. I felt useless.

Thoughts of consoling Eric actually help me drift off to sleep.

When I woke up I started wondering why thoughts of, the possibility of, consoling Eric had been so peaceful to me, but when I remembered the headache I had caused myself, I figured it would be best not to worry about anything I didn't understand just yet. Unfortunately there wasn't a whole hell of a lot I did understand lately. But at least when it came to Eric I'd worry about it when I saw him.

I called Sam sometime before noon to tell him I was back; I thought it was smarter than to just show up. Especially since I didn't know where everyone thought I had been for the past month. A month, at least I knew I had been gone that long; thanks to Eric. Sam was certainly surprised to hear about me; relieved was more like it. I got a slight lecture and I promised him I'd be at the bar around 2 P.M. to talk to him in person. That would give me enough time to shower and get dressed. I didn't bother making lunch; I decided that I would just get something at Merlotte's. I just wasn't in the mood to cook. There was little I was in the mood for.

Walking into Merlotte's I felt more of an outcast than ever before. I'm used to people staring at me because of my telepathy, but they were staring at me like they had seen a ghost. I guess I _was_ a ghost to them. I just up and disappeared. They could stare all they wanted, but did they have to think so loud? Even though I was only in Fae for a few hours it had been a month for everyone else, and apparently my shield was out of practice.

The first person I saw was Arlene who looked like she was in a frenzy. I felt kind of bad for leaving her to pick up my slack, but I hadn't known how long I'd been gone. I took a b-line straight to Sam's office in the back. I couldn't give anybody the truth about where I had been, so I didn't bother with any pleasantries. My grandmother would not have approved.

I opened the door while knocking, which kind of negates the purpose of knocking (since you're supposed to wait and all), but Sam was expecting me.

"Knock. Knock." I said, too afraid to say anything else.

Sam gave me a slight disapproving look, but then he got up from his desk, made the walk over to me, and gathered me in his arms into an overly tight hug.

"Sookie. Don't ever do that to me again." He breathed the words into my ear.

"Sam. Can't breathe." He loosened his grip, but he didn't release me from his embrace. "I'm sorry." I added.

"What happened?" Sam had unwrapped his arms from me, but now he stood in front of me holding my hands.

"It's a long story, but I went somewhere where time was different. I didn't know I was gone for so long. I didn't mean to make you worry. I definitely didn't mean to leave you short staffed. I'm so..."

"But you're okay?"

"Yes, but..." He let go of my hands, and sat on top of his desk.

"Then I forgive you. You know you always have a job here, no matter what Sookie. Besides that, how are feeling?"

"Better. Not great though. Everything I found out about Bill just changed my world. Ya know?"

Sam gave me a confused look, and I remembered that he didn't know. I was in such a panic to leave after I found out about Bill that I just abandoned everything and left. I hadn't explained the situation to anyone, and I very much doubted that Eric would be handing out that information to just anybody. I wasn't even sure Pam knew. I decided that I would give Sam the truth, and as quickly as I could possibly get the words out.

"I left because Eric found out, and told me, that Bill was sent to _procure_ me for the Queen of Louisiana, or something, and that on the night that we met he let the Rattray's beat the ever lovin' 'F' out of me so that he could feed me his blood." I thought that was just about everything he needed to know.

Sam was speechless for a moment, but then he just said, "I'm real sorry for you Sook, but I'm here if you need anything, and don't worry about your job it's here for you, but you take as long as you need to come back."

He just smiled after that, and rubbed my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. Sam was too sweet. I sincerely hoped that he would find someone worthy of him real soon.

I left out of the back door of Merlotte's and just went straight home. I realized that I hadn't called Jason yet, and did just that. He actually lectured me about letting him know if I was going out of town. I found it kind of sweet. Besides that he wasn't too mad, just happy was back, and promised to be by someday soon for lunch; which meant I'd be cooking lunch for _him_, but I didn't mind.

It was getting into the late afternoon and I had the urge to get ready; so I did. I took a shower, put on one of my nicer sundresses, fixed the curls in my hair, and put on just a slight bit of makeup. When I looked in the mirror I appreciated the work I had done to myself, but I wondered why I had decided to do it all. I looked out the window and saw that the sun had turned into that blue/grey twilight, and then I knew. I was going to go see Eric.

I don't know when I had decided this. I don't even think it was a decision to be made, but Eric and I had a lot to talk about, and I couldn't wait any longer. The idea of seeing Eric again made my stomach turn in knots, and I couldn't understand why, but I wasn't going to back out of this. I grabbed my purse, my keys, and got into my small car and headed to Fangtasia… the bar with a bite.

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><p><strong>AN: If you were wondering about the title of this chapter it's from Season 2, Episode 9: "I Will Rise Up." Eric says it to Sookie at the end of a very steamy dream. ;)**


	3. Perhaps I'll Grow On You

**A/N: I am so ridiculously sorry about how long this chapter took me. Once Season 4 of True Blood started I couldn't think about anything else, but I wanted to wait for it to be over so that I could separate what happened on the show versus what is going to happen in my story. **

**Also, I've been fixing some mistakes in the first two chapters. It's hard being my own beta. Sometimes I don't see mistakes until I re-read the chapter days later. I had to go back and put the story in past tense over present tense just to make it easier on myself. Either way, I hope you enjoy, and that you're still reading. **

**Oh… and thanks to Charlaine Harris for these characters, and Alan Ball for bringing them to my television screen (even if he is a Bill-lover). =P**

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><p><em>Previously...<em>

_It was getting later and I had the urge to get ready; so I did. I took a shower, put on one of my nicer sundresses, fixed the curls in my hair, and put on just a slight bit of makeup. When I looked in the mirror I appreciated the work I had done to myself, but I wondered why I had decided to do it all. I looked out the window and saw that the sun had turned into that blue/gray twilight, and then I knew. I was going to go see Eric._

_I don't know when I had decided this. I don't even think it was a decision to be made, but Eric and I had a lot to talk about, and I couldn't wait any longer. The idea of seeing Eric again made my stomach turn in knots, and I couldn't understand why, but I wasn't going to back out of this. I grabbed my purse, my keys, and got into my small car and headed to Fangtasia… the bar with a bite._

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: "Perhaps I'll grow on you." <strong>

As I walked to the doors of Fangtasia my eyes focused on Pam. She was dressed in a black leather and red lace ensemble; her usual "work attire." She looked like what most people imagine a Vampire to look like; the mainstream media version of a Vampire. If they saw Pam in her everyday attire they might not be able to recognize her. She doesn't quite look human, no Vampire could pass for human, not with the translucent appearance to their skin, but she does look more…"normal."

I think Pam smells me before she sees me. Once she does see me she makes sure to look at me from top to bottom before she smirks in approval. This should probably bother me more than it does, but at this point in my relationship with Pam I take it more as a compliment; and I'm slightly flattered instead. I walk past the line, as I have become accustomed to lately, and I can feel the dirty looks on my back as I walk straight up to Pam.

"Sookie… What can our humble establishment do for you today? Or should I say its owner?" She drew out the word "owner," but there wasn't a harsh tone to her voice. Instead, there was an "it's about time" tone to her voice; it's like she knows why I'm here better than I do.

"Where is he?" I snap back.

"He should be on the throne. I'm sure you could entice him to relocate to his office… with the right offer. "

I can't think of anything particularly offensive or witty to reply so I just storm off like a three year old. I can hear her sinister laugh as I walk away from her.

I could feel the eyes of the Fangtasia clientele upon me. I didn't flatter myself in thinking that I look any better than anyone else, but I do look out of place, and I don't exactly read "fangbanger." They could keep looking for all I cared. I came here for one reason, and if I chose to focus on all the eyes on me I might lose my nerve. They looked at me, but I would not choose to return their glances.

My eyes were only focused on _his_ eyes. Once my eyes attached to his there was no turning back. My heart felt like it would pound out of my heart, and a part of my brain was telling me that I could turn back and live a fairly happy and pleasant life alone with a good book, but my legs wouldn't let me leave. They continued to walk towards him despite of myself.

Eric hadn't broken eye contact with me from the moment he first demanded it. He nodded his head slightly to the left (so slight that if you hadn't been staring at him, as I was, it wouldn't have been noticeable) as a sign for me, and me alone, to follow him into his office. I followed him, and I focused my steps to the pounding beat of my heart.

As my steps weighed me down I thought of all the possible reactions Eric may have once his office doors closed. Would he stay close to me, uncomfortably so, assuming that I had come here to be his? Would he be diplomatic with his approach, and pretend as if this is some sort of a business matter he is resolving? Could he be angry? I hadn't thought of that as an option. What if Eric was upset at how long it had taken me to come see him? This new thought did nothing to calm my nerves. What if Eric realized that I'm not worth the trouble? The thought that Eric may no longer want me caused my insides to hurt. I always thought that this was my choice to make, but I've never thought that he could choose _not_ to want me.

I thought myself into oblivion, and before I knew it Eric had already closed the door behind us. I could feel him by my side, I could hear him smell me, and I could see him walk away. He didn't sit behind his desk. Instead he stood in front of it holding his weight on his arms. He was giving me the choice to either stand and talk to him or sit and be face to "face" with a part of Eric that was certainly not his face. The position made every muscle in his arms more prominent. Part of me thought that he chose this position on purpose, that he knew exactly what it would do to his body and my recognition of it, but then I think that I may just be over-thinking everything.

After I decided that I was just being paranoid I noticed that I had been staring at his arms the entire time, and I saw him smirk. That made it clear that I wasn't giving Eric too much credit, I was giving him just enough, if not too little credit. This was _Eric_ after all. There is nothing that Eric does that he doesn't completely think through. He is a Vampire, and while I took an awkward minute to think everything that had gone through my mind from the moment he caught my eyes, I can only imagine that he had thought at least ten times more than I had.

After another second he took pity on me and spoke first.

"What has brought you to Fangtasia this night Miss Stackhouse? Is there anything I can do, personally, to assist you?" The contexts behind his words were made very clear by the raise of his right eyebrow followed by that perfectly "Eric" smirk.

The whole moment actually made me smile, and eased my nerves. Eric could always make me forget any rare burst of shyness that can overcome by body.

"I need to talk to you." I finally said.

"What about?" He replied swiftly.

"You know 'what about'!" My voice rose dramatically.

"I do not pretend to know what you are here to say to me Sookie." With this he stood up straight taking half a step towards me.

There was an edge of anger to his voice, but his eyes showed just the slightest amount of pain. Could I be the cause of Eric's pain? I couldn't imagine myself to be important enough to him to cause that kind of emotion in him.

"What do you want from me Eric?" I practically pleaded.

"Everything." He stared down at me like a predator, and instead of feeling fear my heart started pounding out of excitement.

In the back of my mind something told me that my heart pounding so hard may not be a good thing while in the presence of a Vampire, but the idea that Eric could want me so desperately excited me.

"You only want me 'cause you can't have me!" This was meant to be more of a counter-attack, but the possible truths in my words hurt me more than they could have ever hurt him.

"That is a possibility." Ouch. "But, I could say the same for you."

"Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean!"

"You want me Sookie. Don't deny it, and don't blame it on my blood. And if you cannot blame it on the effects of my blood you have no sense of why you, in fact, want me. Would it not be fair for me to assume that you want me because you do not have me?"

"It's not the same!" I argued, but I did see his point.

"How not? You say that I only want you because you either belong to Bill or because you turn me away. Is it not acceptable for me to argue that the desire you have for me is because you couldn't have me while you were Bill's or because I want you? Or would you prefer I accuse you of only wanting me for my looks?"

"Eric…" I tried to say something, but nothing came out, and he continued.

"I do not deny that your ability to argue against me is a factor in why I want you to be mine. Why should that not please you? You are different from all the others. And, yes, I did want you _despite_ you belonging to Bill, but I did not want you _because_ you belonged to Bill."

"I do not belong to anyone!"

"Do you see? That is part of the reason why I want you. You fight against things you have no control over. The same things that make you irritate me enhance my very need for you."

"So, if I stopped fighting against you, would you stop wanting me?" I stared up at his eyes.

"No." He looked away from my gaze.

"But you just said…"

"You misunderstand. Your fighting spirit does entice me, but it is not the only reason I want you to be mine. I want you entirely. The things that individually make you Sookie do not singularly affect the final outcome."

"Eric. Stop talkin' in circles! Just tell me what you _mean_."

"What I am trying to say Sookie is that I do not like every part of you, but I wouldn't change the parts of you that irritate me because they are a part of _you_. And I…Want…_You_. If you stopped fighting your desire to be mine I would still want you simply because you are…_you_."

I never thought I would hear words like those, about me, come from Eric's lips.

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><p><strong>AN: The title to this episode is from Season 2, Episode 3: "Scratches." **

**The conversation went like this:**

**Eric: "You surprise me, and that is a rare quality in a breather."  
>Sookie: "You disgust me."<br>Eric: "Perhaps I'll grow on you."  
>Sookie: "I'd prefer Cancer." <strong>


	4. The Right Temperament For A Vampire

**A/N: Happy Halloween! I thought you all deserved a Halloween treat. =)  
>I actually finished this chapter like a month ago, but all of my professors decided to pack on papers, midterms, and tests all in the past three weeks. I just got around to proof reading it today (during class). I didn't re-proof read it so hopefully there aren't too many mistakes. Hope you enjoy! <strong>

**Charlaine and Alan hold all the True Blood power. =P**

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><p><em>Previously...<em>

"_But you just said…"_

"_You misunderstand. Your fighting spirit does entice me, but it is not the only reason I want you to be mine. I want you entirely. The things that individually make you Sookie do not singularly affect the final outcome."_

"_Eric. Stop talkin' in circles! Just tell me what you mean."_

"_What I am trying to say Sookie is that I do not like every part of you, but I wouldn't change the parts of you that irritate me because they are a part of you. And I…Want…You. If you stopped fighting your desire to be mine I would still want you simply because you are…you."_

_I never thought I would hear words like those, about me, come from Eric's lips._

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><p><strong>Chapter 4 "The temperament for a Vampire."<strong>

I stood staring at the lips that spoke those oddly kind words, about me, to me. I was frozen. There was no moving from where I stood. I never thought that Eric could ever, _would_ ever, be so blunt about his _feelings_. What was I supposed to say?

Eric had in a way confessed his feelings for me, and I just stood there. I knew that I cared about him, but how much did I care exactly? It seemed to me that Eric knew how he felt about me better than I knew my feelings for him. Who would have thought that was possible?

"Why now?" I finally spoke.

"I don't understand. What are you asking?" His body stood at attention.

"Why are you sayin' all of this to me…now? The Eric _I_ know would never admit caring about me… even if it _were_ true."

"I am speaking the truth. I _do_ care about you!" He responded defensively.

"But, why _now_!" I just couldn't understand.

"The Eric you knew had not yet lost you!' He looked away.

"Eric…" I touched his upper arm to get him to look at me.

"You were just… gone. I could not feel you anymore. I had no knowledge about what had happened to you. You were simply… not here." He finally fully turned to look at me.

"I searched, but I just could not find you. I could not understand my _need_ to find you. You do not understand how frustrating it is for a Vampire to not be able to do something. _You_ made me weak!" He took a long pause, but I knew he wasn't finished.

"I needed something to do… anything. I had your house fixed in case you returned." He put his right hand on my cheek.

"Eric…" I couldn't say anything else. So, I just let myself lean into his palm.

"I never imagined you would truly return. I have not felt anything, for a human, in over a thousand years. Even then it was not like… _this_. You changed something in me, and then you just… _left_!" He didn't remove his hand from my cheek, but he took a firm grip on my side with his other hand.

"Yet, here you are… and I _will_ not lose you again. Sookie… You. Are. _Mine_."

I had no time to argue. Eric's lips were devouring mine before I could even think. Unlike the last kiss we shared, in this office, I didn't hesitate to respond; I had no intention to.

His right hand was grabbing onto my hair, as if to make sure that I wasn't going anywhere, as if though at any moment I might leave. But leaving was the furthest thing from my mind. Something inside of me was craving _this_. The more Eric kissed me; the more I wanted to continue. I just couldn't get enough. My hunger for Eric had been fully unleashed and the more he gave me; the more the hunger grew.

The only reason I broke the kiss was because I was becoming light headed (I blamed that on lack of oxygen, but it could have easily been Eric that made everything go hazy). Even after our lips separated Eric kept his hold on my hair, and just lowered his forehead onto mine.

I knew why my breath was heavy, but what surprised me was to hear Eric's breath matching mine. I thought Vampires didn't need to breathe? Maybe it was just habit? It didn't matter. I found the act comforting. I wasn't alone in this.

What mattered most was what had just happened between us. We kissed… again. It wasn't a goodbye kiss this time. It wasn't _just_ a kiss. It was an all-consuming, all-in, type of kiss. I knew that he would think that this kiss, this surrender, meant that I was "his," but I still didn't know if that was something I wanted in my life.

I wanted Eric; I knew that now, but did I want to be "his"?

Once I caught my breath I knew that it was time for _me_ to talk; my turn to tell Eric where _my_ head was at. But instead I looked him in the eyes, grabbed the back of his head, and pulled him into a kiss.

I needed it. I needed to be in his arms; without complications. I knew that kissing him, without talking about what we _both_ wanted, was anything but smart, but even after knowing all the reasons why I shouldn't have been kissing him, I wouldn't stop; I _couldn't_ stop.

Every piece of my skin that Eric touched felt like it was on fire; I liked the feeling. I craved it. Whenever he moved his there was a brief second where I missed him, his touch; only to be compensated by the immense pleasure I felt when his hands found a new location. I wanted Eric to touch all of me at once, but I thought that if it _were_ possible, a Vampire could do it, and maybe I wouldn't be able to handle it.

In a flash, Eric lifted me up and sat me on his desk; I hadn't even felt my feet leave the floor. Eric's lips moved to my jaw and I couldn't do anything but claw at his back; bunching the fabric in my hands. His lips returned to mine and he bit my bottom lip; not enough to draw blood, but enough for me to feel that his fangs were out.

Knowing that Eric's fangs were out only increased my _need_. I started pulling the bottom of his shirt; my hands were underneath his shirt feeling the dips in his stomach, and the coolness of his skin.

Eric's hand found its way to the zipper in the back of my dress; this one action caused me to stop. I pulled my hands from under his shirt, and I put them on his chest, pushing him away slightly, to signal him to stop. I was just able to pull my face away when Eric pulled my face back in, and continued kissing me. I let myself enjoy the kiss for a few seconds, but I knew I had to stop it. I pushed Eric away _again_, with a little more force the second time around, and he retreated; he dropped his hands, looked away, and let out a heavy breath. His eyes were practically black, but he stepped back. I could see how hard it was for him to stay away, but he was trying… for me.

If I gave myself to Eric I wouldn't be able to turn back. Sleeping with Bill turned out bad enough to make me a little paranoid. I regretted Bill. Could I ever regret Eric? If I thought about the "big picture" I would remember that Eric was, is, and would always be a Vampire. Whatever I was doing with Eric would eventually end. Unless… I could… What If I became…? No. Why give myself to Eric with our ultimate demise in my sights?

There is always an endpoint; whether it's breaking up or death. Why should I sabotage myself with Eric about something that wouldn't even cross my mind with other, human, guys? Usually death is the end to a relationship, but with Eric it could be the beginning.

Everything became clear. I couldn't be sure that I wouldn't regret being with Eric, but if I didn't give myself to him, I _could_ be sure that I would regret it in the morning.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The title to this episode is from Season 2, Episode 9: "I Will Rise Up." It's from the dream sequence. ;)**


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